Tuesday - How to Win an Argument - Part 1

Greetings Internet Campus,

James 1:19 "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry."

For the next three days, I am going to give you the steps you will need in order to win in verbal conflict. Remember, we are defining a "win" as a resolution where both sides reach an understanding...NOT a point where there is a "loser". Here's the first step:

1) Listen to each other - Have you ever been in a crowded room that has been silenced for some reason...somebody has made an announcement or a speech...what happens after they are done? The voices in the room begin a slow increase in volume...until the whole room is swirling with loud cacophonous sound! It gets to the point where you can't distinguish one sound from another! Ring a bell? Sound like an argument you once had? Things always start out in civil tones...but what quickly happens?

Voices get louder...and ears close. We talk and talk and talk....hoping to wear down our opponent. If we can just get all of our words out, the other person is sure to see our side, right? Not usually. If we can't convince them by talking more...we try to talk louder. You know, shout and bully our way through. This is sure to work! Not usually.

Our first step where both sides can "win" an argument or conflict is to start by just listening to the other person. This does several things that help the situation:
A) It allows the real reason for the conflict to emerge...words that are shared in a calm manner are usually not the ones regretted later...
B) It diffuses the situation....quiet listening allows our hearts and minds to slow down and relax. This could potentially help us see that we don't need a blow-out argument to solve the problem

Remember, real listening isn't just looking like you are...don't spend this time thinking how you are going to slam the other person with their own words. Really try to process what they are saying...and put yourself in their shoes (but that's for tomorrow's devotional).

Listening is KEY if we are going to "win" any conflict. The real root of the problem can be discovered and solved...all without overreaction.

They say that's why you have two ears but only one mouth...to listen twice as much as you speak...

Write it Down: When was the last time you started out conflict by listening to the other person? In your journal, write down the last time that happened. If it hasn't ever happened...commit to it in writing in today's entry.

See you tomorrow,
Pastor Brian