Monday - "Conflict"

Greetings Internet Campus,

Proverbs 20:3 "Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor;
only fools insist on quarreling."

How many of you like conflict? I think sometimes we pride ourselves in how well we can argue with someone we care about... it could be a spouse, a friend, or even family. Here's the question that I'd like to ask as we start off our week discussing conflict: Does anybody ever "win" an argument?

Well? There are three possible scenarios when it comes to having conflict with someone we love:

1) I can "win"- Isn't this the motivation for most arguments? I mean, why bother having conflict unless you are trying to push your point or answer onto the other person? I took some debate classes in high school and we were taught to make your point and support it with detail after detail until the other side relents or there is a stalemate. Losing was never an option. Sound familiar? To win our argument...we have to have insurmountable evidence and a desire to stop at nothing to make our point. It is then that we truly "win". Isn't it?

2) They can "win" - Although not usually the first choice...this can be a possible outcome of a conflict. How does this happen? Basically, they win when you run out of points to make, become too tired to fight, or realize that you don't really gain anything by arguing any more. They feel a sense of "winning"....and everything can go back to normal. Besides, who really wanted to fight anyway, right?

3) We both can "win" - This is the desired solutions. Remember, just like Pastor Troy said this weekend...conflict is about resolution not winning. The idea here is that both sides listen to each other...discuss the situation from the point of view of the other...present their opinion in a respectful way...and reach a conclusion that is both civil and allows compromise to prevail. In this case, both sides "win".

Can you actually "win" an argument? Of course...as long as you aren't alone in doing so. We're going to take a look at each step in proper conflict practices this week...I pray that you are able to apply these principles to your relationships.

Write it Down: Have you ever argued with someone and realized half-way through that you had no point or had lost? What did you do? In your journal, write down a commitment to God that you are going to try to apply some of the principles that we talk about this week.

See you tomorrow!
Pastor Brian