Greetings Internet Campus,
If you've been following along all week...you know that the winner is your relationship. If you follow the three methods we talked about, your ability to handle difficult confrontations will improve. Here are a few questions to think about as we head into the weekend:
1) When having a conflict, do you do more talking or listening?
2) Have you tried to see an argument from the other point of view?
3) What are the dangers of question #2? What are the benefits?
4) What type of methods did your parents use during conflict? Have you picked any of these up?
5) Have you ever escalated an argument because you were disrespectful intentionally? Did you start it or was it in retaliation to being disrespected by your opponent?
Remember, to win an argument means both have to come to a reasonable conclusion that leaves neither side feeling defeated, humiliated, or hurt. I'm praying that each of you have found this week's devotions helpful.
See you this weekend on campus! The topic: How to keep the marriage bed hot!
Pastor Brian
Showing posts with label argument. Show all posts
Showing posts with label argument. Show all posts
Friday, April 25, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Wednesday - How to Win an Argument Part 2
Greetings Internet Campus,
The second step in "winning" an argument is a bit more challenging than yesterday's lesson of "listening"
Proverbs 14: 16 "The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence."
Understand the other's point of view: This can be challenging...why? Our flesh wants to serve us...naturally. Our tendency in any argument is to make OUR point and have OUR say. Today's step is to stop fighting and actually put yourself in their shoes. Ask a few of these questions about your "opponent" before your next conflict.
1) Have I prayed for them? I have found that it is nearly impossible to do battle with somebody you have been lifting up to God in prayer. The Bible clearly tells us to pray for those that oppose us...have you done that lately? You may wonder...how can I pray for somebody I'm not getting along with? Remember, God loves them just as much as He loves you...no favorites here! The temptation is to pray that they would see things your way. That's not the way to do it. Pray for their family...pray for their health...pray for their spiritual growth...pray for something constructive and positive to happen in their life. You'll be amazed at how many fights you avoid or end quickly as a result.
2) Do they have a point? I might not agree with it...but does it make rational sense? I think many times if we put ourselves in their shoes, we might see that what they are saying is spot-on accurate...or at least comes from a source or life-experience that is both credible and relevant to the situation.
3) Are they under other high-stress from other sources? Is what we're doing here (fighting) really going help the situation? Am I going to cause a deeper hurt to erupt?
4) Why are they so passionate about this?
5) What is at stake for them if they "lose" this argument?
6) How much of their pride is involved if they can't support their side of the fight?
7) Are they fighting simply for the sake of fighting? I've known several people who just find joy in getting you aggravated enough to verbally combat them. It is sport to some people. If you find yourself in this situation...don't feed the fire. Walk away from the argument.
These are just a few of the questions to keep in mind when arguing with someone. I truly believe that if we make a conscious effort to see the situation through the eyes of the person we are disagreeing with...we will make larger strides towards understanding and walk farther away from ignorance.
Write it Down: In your journal, write down the last time you made an effort to see a situation from your "opponents" point of view. What did that do to your mood? Write down a prayer asking God to help you do this each time you disagree with someone.
See you tomorrow... You're almost fully trained in the art of "winning" an argument!
Pastor Brian
The second step in "winning" an argument is a bit more challenging than yesterday's lesson of "listening"
Proverbs 14: 16 "The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence."
Understand the other's point of view: This can be challenging...why? Our flesh wants to serve us...naturally. Our tendency in any argument is to make OUR point and have OUR say. Today's step is to stop fighting and actually put yourself in their shoes. Ask a few of these questions about your "opponent" before your next conflict.
1) Have I prayed for them? I have found that it is nearly impossible to do battle with somebody you have been lifting up to God in prayer. The Bible clearly tells us to pray for those that oppose us...have you done that lately? You may wonder...how can I pray for somebody I'm not getting along with? Remember, God loves them just as much as He loves you...no favorites here! The temptation is to pray that they would see things your way. That's not the way to do it. Pray for their family...pray for their health...pray for their spiritual growth...pray for something constructive and positive to happen in their life. You'll be amazed at how many fights you avoid or end quickly as a result.
2) Do they have a point? I might not agree with it...but does it make rational sense? I think many times if we put ourselves in their shoes, we might see that what they are saying is spot-on accurate...or at least comes from a source or life-experience that is both credible and relevant to the situation.
3) Are they under other high-stress from other sources? Is what we're doing here (fighting) really going help the situation? Am I going to cause a deeper hurt to erupt?
4) Why are they so passionate about this?
5) What is at stake for them if they "lose" this argument?
6) How much of their pride is involved if they can't support their side of the fight?
7) Are they fighting simply for the sake of fighting? I've known several people who just find joy in getting you aggravated enough to verbally combat them. It is sport to some people. If you find yourself in this situation...don't feed the fire. Walk away from the argument.
These are just a few of the questions to keep in mind when arguing with someone. I truly believe that if we make a conscious effort to see the situation through the eyes of the person we are disagreeing with...we will make larger strides towards understanding and walk farther away from ignorance.
Write it Down: In your journal, write down the last time you made an effort to see a situation from your "opponents" point of view. What did that do to your mood? Write down a prayer asking God to help you do this each time you disagree with someone.
See you tomorrow... You're almost fully trained in the art of "winning" an argument!
Pastor Brian
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Tuesday - How to Win an Argument - Part 1
Greetings Internet Campus,
James 1:19 "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry."
For the next three days, I am going to give you the steps you will need in order to win in verbal conflict. Remember, we are defining a "win" as a resolution where both sides reach an understanding...NOT a point where there is a "loser". Here's the first step:
1) Listen to each other - Have you ever been in a crowded room that has been silenced for some reason...somebody has made an announcement or a speech...what happens after they are done? The voices in the room begin a slow increase in volume...until the whole room is swirling with loud cacophonous sound! It gets to the point where you can't distinguish one sound from another! Ring a bell? Sound like an argument you once had? Things always start out in civil tones...but what quickly happens?
Voices get louder...and ears close. We talk and talk and talk....hoping to wear down our opponent. If we can just get all of our words out, the other person is sure to see our side, right? Not usually. If we can't convince them by talking more...we try to talk louder. You know, shout and bully our way through. This is sure to work! Not usually.
Our first step where both sides can "win" an argument or conflict is to start by just listening to the other person. This does several things that help the situation:
A) It allows the real reason for the conflict to emerge...words that are shared in a calm manner are usually not the ones regretted later...
B) It diffuses the situation....quiet listening allows our hearts and minds to slow down and relax. This could potentially help us see that we don't need a blow-out argument to solve the problem
Remember, real listening isn't just looking like you are...don't spend this time thinking how you are going to slam the other person with their own words. Really try to process what they are saying...and put yourself in their shoes (but that's for tomorrow's devotional).
Listening is KEY if we are going to "win" any conflict. The real root of the problem can be discovered and solved...all without overreaction.
They say that's why you have two ears but only one mouth...to listen twice as much as you speak...
Write it Down: When was the last time you started out conflict by listening to the other person? In your journal, write down the last time that happened. If it hasn't ever happened...commit to it in writing in today's entry.
See you tomorrow,
Pastor Brian
James 1:19 "Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry."
For the next three days, I am going to give you the steps you will need in order to win in verbal conflict. Remember, we are defining a "win" as a resolution where both sides reach an understanding...NOT a point where there is a "loser". Here's the first step:
1) Listen to each other - Have you ever been in a crowded room that has been silenced for some reason...somebody has made an announcement or a speech...what happens after they are done? The voices in the room begin a slow increase in volume...until the whole room is swirling with loud cacophonous sound! It gets to the point where you can't distinguish one sound from another! Ring a bell? Sound like an argument you once had? Things always start out in civil tones...but what quickly happens?
Voices get louder...and ears close. We talk and talk and talk....hoping to wear down our opponent. If we can just get all of our words out, the other person is sure to see our side, right? Not usually. If we can't convince them by talking more...we try to talk louder. You know, shout and bully our way through. This is sure to work! Not usually.
Our first step where both sides can "win" an argument or conflict is to start by just listening to the other person. This does several things that help the situation:
A) It allows the real reason for the conflict to emerge...words that are shared in a calm manner are usually not the ones regretted later...
B) It diffuses the situation....quiet listening allows our hearts and minds to slow down and relax. This could potentially help us see that we don't need a blow-out argument to solve the problem
Remember, real listening isn't just looking like you are...don't spend this time thinking how you are going to slam the other person with their own words. Really try to process what they are saying...and put yourself in their shoes (but that's for tomorrow's devotional).
Listening is KEY if we are going to "win" any conflict. The real root of the problem can be discovered and solved...all without overreaction.
They say that's why you have two ears but only one mouth...to listen twice as much as you speak...
Write it Down: When was the last time you started out conflict by listening to the other person? In your journal, write down the last time that happened. If it hasn't ever happened...commit to it in writing in today's entry.
See you tomorrow,
Pastor Brian
Monday, April 21, 2008
Monday - "Conflict"
Greetings Internet Campus,
Proverbs 20:3 "Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor;
only fools insist on quarreling."
How many of you like conflict? I think sometimes we pride ourselves in how well we can argue with someone we care about... it could be a spouse, a friend, or even family. Here's the question that I'd like to ask as we start off our week discussing conflict: Does anybody ever "win" an argument?
Well? There are three possible scenarios when it comes to having conflict with someone we love:
1) I can "win"- Isn't this the motivation for most arguments? I mean, why bother having conflict unless you are trying to push your point or answer onto the other person? I took some debate classes in high school and we were taught to make your point and support it with detail after detail until the other side relents or there is a stalemate. Losing was never an option. Sound familiar? To win our argument...we have to have insurmountable evidence and a desire to stop at nothing to make our point. It is then that we truly "win". Isn't it?
2) They can "win" - Although not usually the first choice...this can be a possible outcome of a conflict. How does this happen? Basically, they win when you run out of points to make, become too tired to fight, or realize that you don't really gain anything by arguing any more. They feel a sense of "winning"....and everything can go back to normal. Besides, who really wanted to fight anyway, right?
3) We both can "win" - This is the desired solutions. Remember, just like Pastor Troy said this weekend...conflict is about resolution not winning. The idea here is that both sides listen to each other...discuss the situation from the point of view of the other...present their opinion in a respectful way...and reach a conclusion that is both civil and allows compromise to prevail. In this case, both sides "win".
Can you actually "win" an argument? Of course...as long as you aren't alone in doing so. We're going to take a look at each step in proper conflict practices this week...I pray that you are able to apply these principles to your relationships.
Write it Down: Have you ever argued with someone and realized half-way through that you had no point or had lost? What did you do? In your journal, write down a commitment to God that you are going to try to apply some of the principles that we talk about this week.
See you tomorrow!
Pastor Brian
Proverbs 20:3 "Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor;
only fools insist on quarreling."
How many of you like conflict? I think sometimes we pride ourselves in how well we can argue with someone we care about... it could be a spouse, a friend, or even family. Here's the question that I'd like to ask as we start off our week discussing conflict: Does anybody ever "win" an argument?
Well? There are three possible scenarios when it comes to having conflict with someone we love:
1) I can "win"- Isn't this the motivation for most arguments? I mean, why bother having conflict unless you are trying to push your point or answer onto the other person? I took some debate classes in high school and we were taught to make your point and support it with detail after detail until the other side relents or there is a stalemate. Losing was never an option. Sound familiar? To win our argument...we have to have insurmountable evidence and a desire to stop at nothing to make our point. It is then that we truly "win". Isn't it?
2) They can "win" - Although not usually the first choice...this can be a possible outcome of a conflict. How does this happen? Basically, they win when you run out of points to make, become too tired to fight, or realize that you don't really gain anything by arguing any more. They feel a sense of "winning"....and everything can go back to normal. Besides, who really wanted to fight anyway, right?
3) We both can "win" - This is the desired solutions. Remember, just like Pastor Troy said this weekend...conflict is about resolution not winning. The idea here is that both sides listen to each other...discuss the situation from the point of view of the other...present their opinion in a respectful way...and reach a conclusion that is both civil and allows compromise to prevail. In this case, both sides "win".
Can you actually "win" an argument? Of course...as long as you aren't alone in doing so. We're going to take a look at each step in proper conflict practices this week...I pray that you are able to apply these principles to your relationships.
Write it Down: Have you ever argued with someone and realized half-way through that you had no point or had lost? What did you do? In your journal, write down a commitment to God that you are going to try to apply some of the principles that we talk about this week.
See you tomorrow!
Pastor Brian
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